Here Come's The Cool
Example # 1: I recently had to use the whole "I left my wallet at home" line. Well, it wasn't so much a line as it was the truth, because I did really leave it at home. Thank the Lord that it wasn't a date, but it was with someone that I do things with only occasionally, which means that I wasn't comfortable bumming money off of her. I hopped out of my truck at the movie theatre, reached behind to get my wallet, and then stopped in my tracks when said wallet was not there. I contemplated running back home, but the movie was starting in about 10 minutes. So I had to suck it up and beg for my friend to pay my way, which she did even after the guy behind the counter said, "Didn't I already sell you a ticket?" She said "Yes." He then looked at me, and then I felt really cool.
Example #2: I spent this past Saturday at an annual family reunion held at my grandparent's lakehouse. The extended family is pretty cool, and once everyone gets a few beers in them, a good time is had by all. There were two jet-ski's at our disposal and a few extended cousins who were not old enough to drive the jet-ski by themselves. Somehow, I was volunteered to accompany them when they wanted to go for a ride. This was not a problem. They didn't really go fast, so I just sat on the back and let my beer buzz work it's magic. Oh, and I watched for boats and other watercraft...sometimes. One cousin in particular was searching for waves to ride over. When she finally found some waves, she sped towards them without noticing that right beyond those waves was the shoreline. By the time she clued in, she had to take a hard left to avoid running up on the shore. What happens to people on the back of a jet-ski when a hard turn is taken? And what if this person is not really paying attention and slightly drunk? Well, I'm here to tell you that they fly. They fly through the air and land in the water. And in my case, they land in very shallow water and roll up onto the beach area, much like a beached whale. And then they stand up, wave to the people who witnessed this death flight from their porch, and then limp confidently back towards the jet-ski, because they are too cool.
Example #3: I like peppermints. I like to have a stash of them in my desk drawer. I find that they come in handy. The best thing in the world is going to a restaurant that has a bowl of mints and taking a handful for the office. The other day some of us went to one of my favorite Mexican food places. Not only does this place have great food, but they have THE BEST mints. They are the chocolate peppermints and I could eat those by the boatload. However, they make it a little tricky to steal mass quantities of the minty goodness. The bowl sits right on top of the hostess station and they watch you as you take the mints, giving you the stink eye if you take too many. Sometimes no one is at the hostess stand, which creates a free for all, which is awesome. Such was the case the other day. Now I'm no fool, so I stuck both hands in the bowl and grabbed as many as I could. Then I proceeded to say to my co-workers, rather loudly I might add, "RUN", and then I turned and made a dash for the doors. Too bad the door I chose to run out of was locked. Too bad I hit that thing pretty hard. And it was definitely too bad that a few of my precious mints fell out of my hands. My co-workers got a good laugh and once again my coolness flew off the charts.
So, you can try your hardest, but it takes a lot of effort to be as cool as me. I just don't think you are up it. Don't worry though, I might start giving lessons.
